Can you see me?
by annielovesauggie
Summary: As Annie and Auggie's relationship finally begins to take flight, their insecurites threaten to derail it. Can they overcome their obstacles and find happiness? (***FINAL CHAPTER IS POSTED****) THE LAST CHAPTER HAS STRONG CONTENT. I've left the rating alone, but if anyone is offended, please let me know and I'll change it.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here's a little ONE-SHOT. I'm having a lot of trouble finishing "Encounter at a Coffee Shop" so as per the suggestion of a dear reader, I wrote a little fluff to get me out of my slump! My fluff is always wrapped up in angst, so hopefully this will suffice. Thank you to all that read and review. You're the best!**

Kissing Annie left him feeling nervous. It was a feeling he hadn't had in a long time and one he didn't like having. From the moment he trailed his hand up her arm and to her cheek, he'd felt confident and determined, but then she'd answered his desire with her own.

She'd leaned her head into his hand and he'd known. She had feelings for him. He'd suspected it for some time. Despite their mutual denial, he'd suspected it from as far back as a year ago. She'd touched his hand as they sat side by side on his Corvette. He'd known it then. He pretended he didn't though. He handed her the keys to his car and gotten on a plane to Eritrea.

Now, as he walked back to the waiting car, he realized he'd loved her for a long time. He couldn't exactly pinpoint the moment, but it was there. Whatever scared him about her in the past, he'd decided to push through it; even though he knew it was a bad idea. He climbed into the back seat and asked the driver to take him home. They drove in silence and when the car arrived at his building, he exited with a simple, "thanks," and walked quickly to his loft.

Auggie entered his apartment and dropped his cane and keys on the table in the entry way. Then he walked directly to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He stood at the kitchen sink and drank the entire bottle in three gulps. Suddenly he felt like he was drowning and couldn't kick to the surface. What was happening? This was Annie. His Annie…a woman he knew better than he knew himself.

Maybe that was the problem. He reached for another beer and twisted off the top and threw it on the counter. He walked to the window and opened it. Although the view was lost on him, the night air cooled his nerves a bit. He reached to his left and flicked on the stereo. Sounds of soft jazz filled the space and helped his mood. He stood, framed by the window for another half-hour before admitting to himself that he already knew what the problem was.

If he and Annie loved each other, then he would have to take down his walls and really let her in. So far, she'd gotten past most of his defense mechanisms, but not all. No one had. There were moments he was still bitter and angry about his injury. He hid them well from everyone, but sometimes the grief of his loss came up out of nowhere and could swallow him whole. He laughed bitterly, remembering what led him to push Annie away a year ago-the visit to the doctor about stem cells. He knew it was a long shot, but still the rejection killed him. He pushed away anyone that was close to him and got on a plane to Africa to declare his undying love to a woman he'd known for three months. What had he been thinking?

Auggie touched his wristwatch and discovered it was past midnight. He walked to his leather recliner and sat down. The noise from the street below had quieted considerably. He could hear a few people walking home from a night out. He leaned his head back and contemplated if he could really let her in. Annie already knew him so well. He couldn't fool her, even when he tried. The best he could do was push her away when he needed to be alone.

He sat up when he heard the sounds of a key in lock of his front door.

"Auggie?" She called out before sliding open the door. He rose and walked to the door.

"What are you doing here?"

"I felt like…..I don't know….can I…."

"Yeah, come in." He backed up and gestured for her to enter. "Wanna a beer?"

"Um, sure. Thanks." She watched while he walked to the fridge and fished out a bottle of Rolling Rock for her and a Guinness for himself.

"So, what's up?" He walked to the small sitting area and sat back down in his leather chair.

Annie could tell immediately that his defenses were up. His expression was shuttered and closed; unreadable.

"Is this a mistake, Auggie?" She whispered. "Are we risking too much?"

The sadness of her voice reached him. Suddenly, keeping Annie at bay seemed ridiculous. She was scared too. "You mean we might risk what we already have?"

"Yeah. You're more than my best friend. If this doesn't work out, I don't know if I can handle it if we hate each other." She laughed softly.

"Already planning the breakup?" He smiled.

"Just being realistic. I'm not good at relationships."

"I think most people aren't, until they are."

"What do you mean?"

"When you think about….every relationship is a failed relationship, until it's not."

"So, you're still gung-ho?"

Auggie laughed, and then sobered. "I have some serious ghosts, Walker. Before you got here, I was thinking about that. I…I don't like to…."

"Be vulnerable?" She finished for him as she laced her fingers with his.

"Yeah." he answered gruffly.

"I don't think it's such a bad thing. I mean, everyone's got to have one person who can see them with their guard down."

Auggie was speechless. As usual, she'd nailed it. "Yeah."

"I know there's more to you than you usually let people see."

"Oh really?" He smiled.

"Sometimes I wonder how you can hold it all together so well. You have like a Zen thing going on."

Auggie released her hand and then moved to sit next to her on the couch. "Do you really think that?"

"Yeah, I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen you crack."

"Well, there are a lot of things I can't control, so I try not to get upset about them."

"Like seeing?"

Auggie turned to her, again speechless. He knew he shouldn't be surprised by her perception, but her laser-like accuracy stunned him.

"Yeah, I mean, not as much as it used to, but sometimes-yeah."

"And you don't want me to see that."

Auggie sat back on the couch and took a long swig from his beer bottle. He wanted to be honest with her, but he was starting to feel too exposed and vulnerable. "No."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." She smiled as she leaned her head on his shoulder. He touched the top of her head and ran his fingers through the long strands. "We don't have to disclose our deepest and darkest fears on day one."

He smiled at her. She could lighten his mood so easily. "Well, duh," he retorted.

"I have some baggage too." She whispered. "I'm not ready to open those bags and let you see in yet."

He realized that people, especially at their age, had lived complicated lives and no one was unscathed. Still, whatever wounds Annie had, he was sure he could handle it. He, on the other hand, still wondered if she could handle his limitations. He scarcely could voice them when he was alone, but now, he gathered his courage and spoke.

"Annie, I want to say something….ask you something. I want to do it now, before this thing with us gets off the ground."

Annie sat up and turned to face him. His face was so serious and grim. She wished she could run her hands along the deep lines that bracketed his mouth. "Okay." She said.

"I worry…..that….I won't be enough." He cleared his throat and tried to keep his voice steady. "If we…you know…fall in love, then someday you'll realize just how limited I am. I can't see, Annie. What if you…." He faltered.

"We might not make it, Auggie. I mean, despite our best efforts, this thing with us might not work out, but it would never be because you're blind. Never." She grabbed his hand and covered it with her own.

He smiled at her, but she could tell it wasn't genuine. There was more, she knew.

"I just worry that you won't really know what you've signed up for, and then you'll regret it." He pushed up from the couch and walked to the window, deeply inhaling the night air.

Annie's heart hurt for him. What a thing to carry around! She wanted to go to him and wrap her arms around him, but she didn't want him to misinterpret her actions as pity. She sat and thought carefully.

"Well, why don't you show me what I've 'signed up for' then?" She watched him turn away from the window with a confused look.

She stood up but kept a few feet between them. "Auggie?"

"Yeah." he shoved his hands deep in his pockets.

"What don't you want me to see?"

"You know, it's funny." He began, while turning away from her again, "when I'm at work, it's easy. I'm in control. I know where everything is…what to do….where to go….it's everywhere else that's hard and confusing."

"Auggie, you go everywhere! Eritrea, Barcelona, Amsterdam…..I've never seen you shy away from something…."

"Walker, there's a whole other side. That stuff's different…it's real life that's sometimes hard."

Annie couldn't resist touching him another second. She walked to him and wrapped her arms around him. He held himself stiffly at first, but then relented.

"Are you going to let me in?" She said softly.

"I'm gonna try."

"Do something now."

"What?" he laughed in surprise. "Well, there is something I've been wanted to do, even though it's a bad 'blind man cliché."

Annie eyed him suspiciously, "what?"

"I want to touch you…." He cleared his throat and when he spoke again; his voice contained no trace of teasing. "I want to see what you look like."

Annie stepped back from him and stared up into his handsome face. His brown eyes were so expressive. She watched him swallow nervously.

"It's dumb, I know. I never really got the trick…I mean, touching doesn't exactly translate to the visual…" he rambled.

"Go ahead." She said.

Auggie already had his hands on her shoulders. He slowly slid them upwards until each hand was on each of her cheeks. He let his hands work as mirror images of each other; first he felt along her forehead, then her eyebrows, then gently touched her closed eyelids. His thumbs grazed her cheekbones, and then caressed her jawline. She watched him frown as his sensitive fingers found the small scar along her jaw.

"What's that from?"

"School yard snowball fight. Greg Marshall threw an ice ball and clocked me."

Auggie touched the scar again and then reached down and kissed it. Annie felt her knees go weak. "I didn't know that was there."

"It's not visible, just a little mark."

"Hmm." He continued to caress her neck and moved upward to touch her ears. He fingered the small dangly hoop earrings. "Gold?"

"Silver." She whispered.

Finally he let his hands fall back to his sides. He again shoved them deep in the front pockets of his jeans.

"Thanks." He cocked his head to the side and turned away.

Annie felt like her nerve endings were on fire. Auggie might've been embarrassed, but she was like a spark; ignited.

"I feel like I have a better idea of what you look like now." He still couldn't face her.

"Auggie…"

"I want to touch you, Walker. I want to do anything I can to get be closer to you…I wish…."

"Auggie…."

"Yeah?" he finally faced her; his brown eyes questioning.

"I need….I want….."

Annie stammered and watched Auggie's perplexed expression change to one of understanding.

"You okay there, Walker?" His voice contained a hint of cockiness.

"You." She launched herself at him and kissed him with a need that startled them both.

xXx

Hours later, they lay in a tangle of sheets on Auggie's bed; both panting and exhausted. Annie finally gathered the strength to roll to her side so that she could study the partially nude form of the man beside her. His corded arms lay at his sides as his muscular chest rose up and down rapidly. She let her eyes drop lower to his tight abdomen. The rest of him was hidden by the sheet.

"Enjoying the view?" He mumbled.

"Yes." She watched an embarrassed smile bloom on his lips.

"Annie?" He rolled over and reached out for her. She entwined her hand with his.

"I think we're going be okay."

"Me too." She whispered back as she kissed his hand.

"I love you, Walker."

"I know." She laughed. "I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: I'm adding a chapter 2 to 'Can You See me?' I don't know why….for some reason I just can't leave well enough alone! I just seem to bring Annie and Auggie together and then tear them apart. Please let me know what you think! Should I keep this going? Love to all that read/review. You guys are THE BEST!**_

It was a year later that Auggie realized his worst fears had come true. Annie had found someone else. It was a gradual thing; in fact so gradual that it happened right under his nose. If he really thought about it, he'd even had a hand in pairing Annie up with the charismatic, young agent. He'd been fresh off the farm and needed someone to rein him in.

Auggie remembered discussing it with her one late night when she'd shown up to his office with Chinese food.

"You're an angel. You know that right?" He said between bites of chicken lo mein.

"I'll remind you of that the next time you're yelling at me when I deviate from a mission plan."

"If you're referring to your recent close call in Lisbon, that was completely justified. You didn't just 'deviate,' you abandoned the plan!"

"That situation went sideways in a matter of seconds. I had to make a call, so I made it."

"I was working on other escape routes. You didn't have to jump off a bridge." His voice had gone from friendly banter to a quiet calmness that scared her.

"You didn't have the latest intel, Auggie. I didn't want to jump, but I couldn't risk the road block at the other end. I estimated the distance and went for it."

Auggie closed his eyes as the sound of Annie hitting the water replayed in his brain. As much as that terrified him, it was the following thirty seven minutes of radio silence that almost stopped his heart. When she finally got a hold of phone and called him, his first reaction was anger. He still didn't know if she knew how badly she'd scared him.

"Anyway," he drew the word out, indicating a change in topic. "I have a new mission for you."

"Oh?"

"It's a little tamer than usual, but still vital and necessary."

"You're benching me, aren't you?"

He laughed. "As much as I'd like to, no. This comes down from Joan. You've been assigned a partner."

"What?"

"A rookie fresh off the farm."

"I don't want to be a babysitter."

"Well, well. Aren't we the 'seasoned agent'?"

"Har."

"His name is Spencer Holland. You'll meet him tomorrow."

"Yes, sir." She said as she leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips.

They'd joked and talked for a while, and then Annie left his office so that he could finish his work. Later that night, he'd come home to her and they'd talked some more. They'd been living together at his place ever since Danielle had sold her house six months ago. He'd suggested they look for something bigger, but she always seemed to have a reason to put it off.

Now, a year later, he was wondering if she'd known all along that their relationship was not meant to last. Annie and Spencer were in London, on an extended mission. She was posing as Annie Benson; high ranking banking official transferred from the U.S. office and Spencer was Troy Duncan, her executive assistant. They'd been undercover for three weeks. At first the chatter from the bugged lines in the office was basic gossip about the new 'American blonde and her boy toy assistant." Auggie actually chuckled at the descriptions of Annie's cold and serious demeanor in the office. Then he started hearing things about them sleeping together. At first he chalked it up to rumors and catty gossip, but then there was more. As he read over the transcriptions of the bugged conversations, his fingers stopped suddenly.

"_Did you see Ms. Benson leave with Troy last night?"_

"_They were all over each other!"_

"_I saw them going at it in her car."_

"_Tsk, tsk, Ms. Benson, better be careful someone doesn't report you to HR!"_

Auggie could hear his own blood rushing through his ears. He felt hot and cold at the same time. He flipped the file shut and stood up abruptly. He didn't know where to go or what to do. He'd never trusted anyone the way he trusted Annie, and she'd betrayed him.

"Auggie?" Joan called from his doorway.

He turned his head to face her. He heard her slide his glass door closed and then her heels click as she crossed the room and sat down.

"You read it?" His voice was shaky.

"Yes."

"What….do you think…why…"

"It's possible she's using this angle to further her cover. She hasn't checked in yet, but she's not scheduled to for another eight hours."

"She has to know that we…."

"She knows. Of that, I have no doubt."

"It's a possibility…..that it doesn't have anything to do with her cover…."he felt like there wasn't enough air in the room.

"It's possible, yes."

"I guess we need to talk."

"Auggie, I don't know what happened, but being deep undercover….it's not easy; not on anyone. Things can happen. Talk to her before you decide anything." Joan stood up and put her hand on his shoulder before she left the room.

Auggie sat in his office for a long time pondering the facts. Either she was sleeping with Spencer to further her cover, or she was doing it for pleasure. Finally, he pushed away from his desk and stalked to the elevator and then rode it down to the basement level and to the gym. He needed to hit something; hard.

xXx

Hours later, Auggie sat at his desk again. He'd punched out most of his anger on the heavy bag in the gym. Now he was worn out. He knew Annie was scheduled to check in with her handler soon. Normally, she and Auggie could get a few minutes of private conversation in after she'd given her update. He wondered if she'd ask to talk to him. He had no way of contacting her. He waited to see if his phone would ring.

The buzzing sound startled him. He fumbled for the phone and almost dropped it.

"Yeah."

"Hi." Her voice was soft.

"Walker." He couldn't help the tonelessness of his voice.

"You know, obviously."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

"Can't."

"Annie, just tell me….is it part of the op?"

"I can't believe you'd ask me that?" She said angrily.

"Why?"

"It's complicated, but necessary. Trust me."

Auggie laughed sharply. "That's a hell of a thing to take on faith, Annie."

"Trust me." She repeated.

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Why?"

"Because either way, you ended up in another man's bed." He fired back.

Annie inhaled sharply. "What I do, I do for my country. I thought you, of all people, would understand that sacrifice."

Auggie fought for patience. "There are some things I wouldn't sacrifice."

"If memory serves, you did exactly the same thing."

"That was before."

"So, it was okay for you, but not for me." The anger colored her words.

"There's a line now. I wouldn't cross it."

"I didn't cross it, Auggie. I'm with you. I'm running an op, here. Either you trust me, or you don't."

"I don't know, Walker. I didn't think I'd have to listen to you having sex with other men."

Auggie heard the click of the phone. She'd hung up on him. He knew his words were caustic, but he couldn't help them. So many thoughts and feelings were running through his head. She was right, he knew. They were agents of the Central Intelligence Agency. They were tested and pushed harder and further than most people. They sacrificed themselves for the good of the nation. He knew this. He lived it and practiced it, so what was really bothering him?

It was only later that night, after several shots of tequila that he was ready to face the truth. Annie may have been sleeping with Spencer to further their mission, but somewhere under all that righteous indignation, she had feelings for him. Suddenly, he knew he was right and couldn't believe it took him so long to realize it. Maybe Annie hadn't even realized it yet. He chuckled bitterly as he walked to his bed and crawled under the covers.

xXx

Two weeks later, Auggie was presented with an opportunity to reunite with Annie in Dublin. Her cover job in London was sending her to a conference in Dublin. The CIA scrambled and assembled a team to rendezvous with her at her hotel. Auggie was told about the meet-up the night before it was scheduled to happen. Joan had knocked on his door and simply stated the facts. The plane was leaving at 6:00 am and there was a seat on it for him, if he chose to take it. He stayed up most of the night debating what he should do. He and Annie hadn't spoken to each other. For all he knew, she hated him and never wanted to see him again. Part of him felt ashamed for believing the worst and part of him couldn't deny what he suspected was true.

Almost twelve hours later, he found himself alone in a hotel room, waiting. He knew he had about an hour before Annie arrived. He didn't know if she'd been informed he'd be waiting, but she would be told once she arrived and checked in. He spent the time carefully memorizing the layout of the room. Most hotel rooms were similar, but still, he didn't want to make a fool out of himself.

This room had a fireplace and two deep chairs seated in front of it. Auggie bent down and felt a basket with kindling, newspaper and matches. He considered making a fire, but he and Annie weren't exactly on a romantic vacation. He moved to the wall and followed it to the corner and then let his hand trail along the all until he found the window. He felt a slight draft around the edges of the glass. He let his hand wander up and tried to imagine the view outside. He'd never been to Ireland. He imagined he had a view of green pastures in a hilly landscape. He laughed bitterly. He was probably facing the parking lot.

Finally, he heard the door next to his room open and shut. He heard Annie's voice and the voice of her handler. They spoke for a while, although Auggie could not make out the words. He still stood facing the window, wondering if he'd have the courage to turn around when she eventually knocked. He honestly had no idea what she'd say.

Instead of a knock, the adjoining door opened suddenly. Auggie reflexively inhaled and knew immediately Annie was present.

"Hi." She said in a colorless voice.

"Hi." He answered, still leaning on the windowsill

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

He heard her walk toward him and then stop in front of him. His fingers wanted badly to touch her, but he resisted.

"Auggie…."

"Yeah?" His voice gave him away and he knew Annie could hear his anguish.

She exhaled loudly. "I don't know what you want me to say….I'm on a deep-cover op…I need to focus. I can't do this right now."

Auggie could hear the frustration and strain in her voice. As much as he wanted to have a heart-to-heart, Annie's mental state was more important. If she was distracted, her life could be jeopardized. She needed to be free from distractions.

"I just wanted to come. It's been a long time since we've seen each other." He tried to keep his voice neutral. "Do you want me to leave?"

Annie turned and flopped down into one of the chairs by the fire. "No…I don't know…"

Auggie made his way to the chair beside her and sat down.

"What's going on, Annie?"

"I'm in trouble Auggie."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, the response to Chapter 2 was a little underwhelming…..**

**I know I took a sharp left turn from a fluffy one-shot to an angst-ridden drama, but hang in there with me! Let me know if you're reading! As always, I thank my lovely reviewers for their sweet words.**

"_Do you want me to leave?"_

_Annie turned and flopped down into one of the chairs by the fire. "No…I don't know…"_

_Auggie made his way to the chair beside her and sat down._

"_What's going on, Annie?"_

"_I'm in trouble Auggie."_

Auggie could hear the sounds of a clock ticking. It seemed to be coming from above the mantel. He listened to the clock and to Annie's rapid breathing. He wondered if he could just walk out of this hotel room and not hear what she was about to say. He figured, either way, he was about to lose.

"What happened?" He finally asked.

"There's a senior partner at the investment firm. He's dirty-big time. He's skimming money off of his top accounts. The money is going somewhere illegal, but so far, we can't get close enough to find out. We have a solid lead, but we need more time."

"Okay." He waited for whatever was coming next.

"This partner-Jefferson Abrams is his name...anyway, we couldn't get close to him at first. Nothing I tried worked. I did everything I could and then Spence did everything he could, but nothing worked. The affair idea was Spencer's. If Abrams knew he had something on me, then maybe he'd take me into his confidence."

"Not a bad idea, actually." He heard Annie's snort. "I didn't say I liked it."

"Anyway, it seemed to be working. He's been coming around my office more and more. He thinks Spencer is beneath him, but Abrams' indicated to him that he knows there's something going on between Spencer and I."

"In a threatening way?"

"Not exactly. It's more of a conspiratorial way."

"Ah, I see." Auggie leaned back in his chair and ran a hand over his face. "What's next?"

"We were hoping he'd make a move…confide in me."

"And has he?"

"Not exactly."

"What then?" Auggie could hear the strain in her voice.

"He implied that he wants to sleep with me too." She whispered.

Auggie pushed out of the chair and stalked back to the window. He had his hands out in front of him, but he'd misjudged the distance and crashed into the wall, jamming his fingers.

"Damn it." He hissed as he shook out his right hand.

Annie was up in a second. "Are you okay?"

Auggie felt her hands on him and pulled back. "Yeah, I'm fine." He turned away from her and sat on the edge of the bed.

Annie stood next to him watching him flex his hand repeatedly. Finally, she couldn't stand the silence another minute.

"So, after everything, I think you were right, Auggie."

He felt the mattress flex under her weight as she sat beside him.

"About?"

He waited, but she didn't speak. He knew she was crying, but he didn't know what to do about it. Finally, she cleared her throat. "I think despite my grand delusions, I'm nothing more than a prostitute."

Auggie swung around and gathered her in his arms immediately. Even though he was struggling with what she'd done, his heart hurt for her.

"Don't say anything, Auggie. Okay?"

"Okay." He held her let her cry until she was through.

"I'm sorry." She sat up and wiped her eyes.

"What are you going to do?" He turned toward her.

"I don't know." She whispered. "I'm too far in, I think."

"We can pull you out, Annie. Remember, after all is said and done, this is just a job. You're not a slave. You don't have to go back."

He waited, but she was quiet. He heard her get up and move to the window. Absently, he wondered again at what view lay beyond the glass.

"Abrams needs to be stopped, Auggie. We still don't know who he hands the money to, but we've traced it to a few different terrorist groups."

"Maybe the CIA has enough. Maybe they can pull you two out now."

"We need more."

"So, I guess you've made up your mind." He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. He appreciated that she'd make such a sacrifice for her nation, but it didn't sit well with him-not at all.

"Yeah, I guess I'll trade sex for secrets." She said dejectedly.

Auggie looked skyward for patience. "What do you want me to say, Annie? That it's okay? Clearly you're not okay with it, yet you're going back for more!" He heard the anger in his voice.

"If I stop now, we could lose this trail!"

"So go back then."

"I want you to say you understand….that you get it!"

Auggie exhaled. His posture was so stiff he was sure his neck would ache later. Finally, he walked toward her. After a few steps, he felt her small hand on his arm.

"I did it with Liza. That's what you're thinking about?"

"Yeah."

"You're right, but also wrong. I started a relationship with her to run an op, but I wasn't dating anyone."

"And if you had been….you wouldn't have done it?"

Auggie thought back through his short, but colorful career as a field agent. He'd had plenty of one-night stands and he'd used them to his advantage when he needed information. Maybe that made him just as guilty as Annie. He'd never had to cross this particular moral bridge before because he'd never actually been in love before. But if he were still a field agent…..well then he'd have to answer the hard questions too.

"Honestly, I don't know." He pulled her toward him and hugged her.

"I hate it, you know."

"Yeah, well I hate it too." He responded in a flat voice.

"Do you think we'll survive this?"

"You and me?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know…..maybe active field officers should stay single until they can come in from the cold. Maybe that's what I would've done." He answered thoughtfully.

"It's easy to make a declaration like that when you've never put it to the test." She pulled back and stared up at him.

"So, risking sounding like a broken record….what are you going to do?"

Annie released herself from his arms and walked to the same chair she sat in before in front of the fireplace. She wanted so many different things and they all seemed to be at odds with each other. She wanted to get some tangible proof that Abrams was skimming money without becoming a government paid call-girl. She wanted Auggie to love her and trust her, no matter what.

She dropped her head into her hands and tried to breathe deeply. There was still a truth she needed to face. Even in her own head, she didn't want to think about it, but it was there, nonetheless; like a splinter in her palm: this only became a problem when she was faced with having sex with Abrams; whom she despised. When she was with Spencer, she didn't seem to have such a crisis of conscience; the truth was….she liked him.

Annie turned and watched Auggie. She could see the torment in the stiff way he held his body; his hands on his hips; his shoulders back and square. He was turned toward the window, seeming to stare out at the view of the back alley.

"What would you do? If you were me….what would you do?"

Auggie turned around and leaned on the window frame. "I don't know Annie, but there are other ways to obtain information besides selling yourself."

Annie felt stung by his words. "I….I know that."

"I think ever since you worked for Lena, you've changed. It seems like your first play with a target is sexual."

"That's not true." She hastily denied, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if he was right. Things had gone so completely wrong with Simon, but she'd had genuine feelings for him. Hadn't she?

"You're a trained officer, Annie. You can do your job without using your body." He said tiredly.

Annie was silent because Auggie was right. Somewhere during the last twelve months, she'd lost her touch. Sure, she'd run some very successful missions, but at what price? Suddenly, everything about her career felt like a joke. She'd been recruited because of her relationship with Ben. When they were done using her for that, they sent her into the field with minimal training. It was only due to Auggie's help as her handler that she made it this far.

"I'm going to finish this mission. Abrams is into something bad, and I'm going to find out what. Then, I'm done."

She stood up and walked to the adjoining door. She reached down for the doorknob. She wanted to look back at him, but she was afraid of what she might see in his eyes. She'd lost respect for herself and she couldn't bear to see that in the face of the man she loved. Things had gotten so confusing and murky for her lately. She needed to do her job and sort it out. Afterwards, well….she'd have to figure that out later. She pushed the door open and walked through without looking back.

xXx

On the plane ride home, Auggie replayed his conversation with Annie over and over again. The sadness in her voice cut him to the bone. He understood her position. Hell, he'd gotten in over his head on a handful of missions. Truthfully, he couldn't think of an agent that hadn't blurred the line. He was in no position to judge her. He thought about Liza Hearn. He'd been acting the whole time with her and the two of them had always maintained a mutual distrust of one another….but there had been others; namely Natasha.

Auggie leaned back into the headrest and closed his eyes. He could still see her. He'd known her before Iraq and the image of her was ingrained in his mind. Her dark curly hair and serious eyes haunted him. He'd crossed the line to get information out of her, but then he'd had a hard time crossing back. The only thing that saved him was putting half the globe between them, but it had cost him.

The fact was agents put themselves in these kinds of situations frequently and sometimes the results were….messy. Now, Annie was faced with her choice. He knew she was disgusted by Abrams. That seemed clear enough; but it was the situation with Spencer Holland that left him concerned. He knew they both cared about the mission and were acting only in accordance with the objective, but still, something else was happening between them.

After the plane landed and Auggie was back at his desk in the DPD, he formulated his plan. The first step was finding Joan and laying it out for her. He needed her help. Hopefully in the next few days he could either get Annie out of this mess; or get himself into it.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry for the massive delay! I've been swamped with work projects. I hope I can wrap this up soon! I hate to leave my favorite dynamic duo in limbo! Enjoy and thank you to my dear, sweet readers/reviewers. I adore you!

Ironically, it was the one person that Annie felt the least able to confide in that helped her out of her dilemma. As usual, Joan was already updated on her situation with Abrams. Annie had come to rely on Joan for her guidance and leadership, but that was the extent of their relationship.

She'd given up on Auggie. Talking to him was only making everything worse. She could see the pain and torment she was causing him. Underneath all of their feelings lay the ugly truth-they'd both do almost anything to complete a mission-especially when innocent lives were on the line.

After Auggie left the hotel room in Ireland on that cold, blustery day a week ago, Annie had tried to maneuver Abrams so that he'd confide in her without having to get intimate. So far, she'd been dodging him, but she knew he was growing tired of her games. Hoping that he'd divulge the secrets of his skimming operation in the throes of passion was a longshot and a line Annie just couldn't seem to cross. She's tossed and turned about it for days and then one night when she'd come home late from her "job" she'd found her boss casually sitting in front of the fireplace drinking a scotch on the rocks.

"Joan!" Annie grabbed her chest and tried to steady her heartbeat.

"Putting in late nights at the firm? I've been waiting for over two hours." She said as she slowly stood up and placed her drink on the mantel.

"Sorry. I had no idea you were coming."

"Well, I didn't want to broadcast it." Joan turned to face Annie. She was wearing a long camel colored trench coat that hung open. Underneath she wore a black sweater and dark jeans that were elegantly tapered inside tall boots that lengthened her already imposing height. Annie had never been so intimidated.

"Are you pulling me out?"

Joan arched a brow. "No, but I am here to help you."

"How?" Annie sunk into the leather club chair across from Joan.

Joan pulled a small vial of clear liquid out of her pocket. She held it up for Annie to see.

"What is it?"

"It'll knock him out for several hours. You'll have plenty of time to access his home computer while he takes a nap."

"If he's unconscious, I won't be able to gain access."

Joan pulled something out of her other pocket. She flipped it in the air toward Annie. "It's a thumb drive. It'll get you access. Auggie designed it."

Joan crossed the room and sat down next to Annie. "You don't have to have sex with him, Annie. That's not why you were chosen."

"I don't know if I believe that anymore. Since Ben and then Simon…" Annie could feel the tears burning behind her eyes.

"It would be a lie to say that your beauty and charm were not a factor. But how you use them is up to you."

"I think I convinced myself I loved them…it made it all okay if I loved them. It was only when Auggie pointed it out…God, I don't think I've ever felt so cheap." Annie wiped the tears away as she spoke. "I wonder if it was ever love."

"Annie," Joan sighed and leaned forward putting her hand on the younger agent's knee, "I've been in your shoes. I've been there."

Annie looked up at Joan and saw pain flicker across her eyes. "What did you do?"

"I crossed a line."

"How did you know?"

"I felt it."

"Did Arthur….what did he…"

Joan interrupted. "He was in Kuwait. I was in Bosnia."

"He didn't know?"

"No, and really it wasn't something he should know. This was my work…a mission that was two years in the making. It was my call and mine alone."

"Do you regret it?"

Joan exhaled slowly and Annie watched the woman's eyes shift. She was seeing something other than the inside of Annie's small London flat. "Yes, and no. I did it for my country, and for myself. I was able to provide actionable intel. It was a big win, but I lost something too. I gave a piece of myself to someone and….it cost me." She finished softly.

Annie didn't ask anything further and Joan didn't offer. She only gave Annie a few instructions on the use of the liquid in the vile, and then was gone. Annie stayed up late that night and waited until Auggie was probably home from work. She picked up her cell and dialed.

"Hey Walker." He answered right away.

"Hey yourself." She bit her lip to stop her voice from cracking.

"I've missed you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Auggie?"

"Hmm?"

"I'll be home soon and then we need to talk."

"Words that can stop a man's heart.." he joked awkwardly.

"No, not like that…I just want to talk to you."

"Okay."

"I'll be home soon."

"You get the present I sent?"

Annie knew he meant the thumb drive that would hack Abram's computer. "Yeah."

"Text me if you hit a snag. Don't call though. Place could have ears."

"Got it."

"Annie?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"Yup." She said and ended the call. She felt like bawling and talking to Auggie only brought those feelings to the surface. If she were going to carry out Joan's plan, she needed a clear head. If all went well, she could be on her way home in as little as 48 hours.

xXx

Auggie paced his office for an hour until he'd crashed into his desk for the third time. He stormed down the hallway and to the elevator. He didn't realize consciously where his feet were taking him until he was standing in front of her door. He raised his hand to knock, but the door swung open before he got a chance.

"Auggie." Her voice held no note of surprise.

"Doctor."

"Come in."

Auggie's face showed the surprise he felt. "You don't have to see me right now…don't I need an appointment or something."

"I have time now. Come in." She said smoothly as she turned and walked back inside her office. She sat in the same chair as the last time and watched Auggie do the same.

"What brings you back to therapy?"

"I'm having an existential dilemma."

"Okay."

"It's more of a 'what if' scenario."

"Why don't you try some details?"

Auggie leaned back in his chair. He didn't want to compromise information about Annie's mission, but if he were being truthful with himself, this really didn't have anything to do with Annie anyway.

"When I was a field operative, I would use certain methods to gain information."

"Go on."

"I'm talking about gaining trust…on an intimate level."

"You'd seduce women and use that relationship to gain information."

"Yeah."

"And now?"

"Obviously I'm not in the field too much. It hasn't exactly been an issue."

"So what's bringing it to the surface now."

"Annie."

The doctor stopped and crossed her legs. She watched the tightness of his jaw and the near constant flexing and unflexing of his hands. "You and Annie have begun a romantic relationship."

"News travels fast, I guess."

She waited for him to continue.

"She's doing what I used to do. The thing with Annie….she loved them. At least I think she did. She fell in love with her targets. In a sense it makes it easier."

"You mean sex for secrets?"

Auggie cleared his throat. He didn't like hearing it put that way, but when you boiled it down, that was exactly what he was talking about.

"I made her feel guilty…for something that I did too."

"How did you make her feel guilty?"

"I implied she was using her body more than her brains…" he turned his head away from her.

"And how did Annie react?"

"She…she cried, but she was angry."

"Angry at?"

"I don't know…me…herself…." Auggie pushed up out of the chair and paced a few steps away.

"Are you angry at her?"

Auggie stopped pacing and turned. "What?"

"I wonder if you're projecting your anger onto her."

"See, this is why I don't like shrinks." He flopped back down into the chair. "Why, exactly am I projecting my anger at Annie?"

"She's doing exactly what you did. She's smart, quick on her feet, talented, and charming to the opposite sex."

"I know all this already."

"How does that make you feel?"

"It didn't make me feel anything until we….until she and I….became intimate."

"And now that you have….."

"It makes me feel like a cave man! Like I want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her away."

"That's a natural reaction."

"Really? I feel mad at myself for even thinking that way."

"You both work in a highly stressful environment where the normal rules of corporate etiquette don't apply. On top of that, you work together in an intimate way. Adding to that, you've begun a romantic relationship. It's bound to have repercussions."

"Well, I want this to actually work. I'm beginning to wonder if that's possible."

"To be honest, it's very hard."

"Is that it?" he asked exasperated.

"What would you like me to say?"

"I don't know." Auggie exhaled loudly as he dropped his head back onto the headrest of the chair.

"You have an additional hurdle to overcome too."

Auggie picked up his head and half-grinned at the doctor. "I didn't think I'd make it out of here without talking about my eyesight…or lack thereof."

"You don't think it has a part to play?"

"Honestly? No."

"Well honestly, I disagree."


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: ***WARNING*** This chapter has references to sexual assault. It's for mature readers.**_

_**Thank you to all for reading and reviewing. I'm going to make this the last chapter. **_

It was Annie's first "real" day back at work in the DPD. She's spent two weeks at Blue Bonnet being debriefed. In truth, she'd been sent there to deal with the trauma of the near sexual assault that had occurred when she'd gone home with Jefferson Abrams.

Annie thought she'd had the situation under control, but she had been wrong. The clear liquid she'd slipped into his wine glass hadn't worked fast enough. She'd been okay at first; playing along, flirting…but then he'd pushed her down on the sofa in his apartment. His full body weight was on top of her. She didn't panic at first. She played along and suggested they move into the bedroom. She figured at least that way she'd have a chance to get free. But he'd ignored her suggestion and instead put a strong forearm across her windpipe. That triggered a full panic. Annie was squirming, desperate to get free before the dots across her vision became full blackness as her brain ran out of oxygen.

She was just about out of air when she felt his body go limp on top of her. It took her a few seconds to realize he was unconscious from the drug and she was safe. She quickly pushed him onto the floor and stood up, steadying herself with a hand on the wall. She could feel the panic bubbling up inside her, but she pushed it down hard and got to work. She moved to his computer and inserted Auggie's thumb drive. The mental picture of Auggie's face came to her as she handled the thumb drive and she could feel emotion welling up inside her. She grabbed her phone to text him, but decided to wait and do it after she was done with the download.

Twenty four hours later, she was curled into a tight ball on her own couch back in D.C. with the door triple locked. She'd left Abrams' apartment, hailed a cab to the airport and gotten on the first plane headed for the U.S. She'd landed sometime in the wee hours of the morning.

Now, after the longest shower she'd ever taken, she picked up her phone and called Auggie.

"Walker….I've been waiting to hear from you. How'd it go?"

Annie felt her throat constrict with emotion. "Auggie….I….can you…." The sob that she'd been suppressing finally broke free.

"Annie? What happened? Are you okay?"

She pulled the phone away from her face and tried to calm herself down. "Home."

"You're home? In DC? At your place?"

"Yeah." she whispered.

"I'll be right there."

Annie heard the line go dead and finally released the tension she'd been holding in.

xXx

True to his word, Auggie was at her door fifteen minutes later. She heard the car as it pulled up outside. She head his low voice speak to the driver. She thought she could even hear the steady tapping of his cane, but when he knocked, panic shot through her. Then he spoke.

"Walker? It's me. Open the door."

She finally got up from her spot on the couch and walked to the door. She pulled it open and saw him. The expression on his face was so pained that for a moment, she wondered if something had happened to him.

"Annie?" His dark eyes moved around, as if searching for her.

She moved toward him and leaned her head against his chest. She felt his strong arms wrap around her back. The stayed like that for a long time until Auggie finally spoke.

"Can I come in?"

She moved to stand beside him and let him take her arm. They walked to the sofa where she again sat in the corner with her feet tucked beneath her.

"What happened?"

"I got the intel…" she pulled his hand toward her and put the drive in his palm.

"Annie…."

"He…ah….I think if it hadn't been for the drug Joan gave me….he passed out on me….but he was about to rape me." She said in a whispered voice.

Auggie moved to sit closer to her and wrapped one arm around her back. He had no words. Anger coursed through him and his first reaction was to kill the man that dared touch her. But right now, Annie didn't need his anger.

"You're safe now, Annie."

"I was so dumb, Auggie. I thought….I thought I was so good, so smooth."

"You are."

A harsh laugh bubbled out of her. "No, all it took was his forearm against my throat and I was seeing spots."

Auggie felt a cold finger of fear touch him. " God, Annie."

"I didn't know how to get free." She dropped her head against his chest. He touched her hair; still wet from the shower. "I thought….with all the sparring we've done….I thought I could break free, but…" she trailed off. He felt her shrug her shoulders.

"There's not a solution to everything. Sometimes things go wrong, no matter how careful you are."

"I shouldn't have done it. It was too risky. I didn't have an exact time frame on how long that drug would take to start working….I implied that I was okay with what we were doing at first…"

"Annie, there's no justification for what he did. None." Auggie's harsh voice penetrated her babbling thoughts.

"I thought….I thought, 'here I am, about to lose consciousness. And I'll wake up and have been raped by this animal and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

Auggie couldn't speak. He had no idea what to say. Even despite his years living without sight, he didn't think he'd ever been in a situation as desperate and hopeless as Annie's.

"I've got you, Walker." He crooned. He stroked her hair and ran his other hand up and down her back gently. Finally he felt her breathing change as she fell asleep.

xXx

An hour later, Annie opened her eyes to the sight of her familiar apartment. She sighed in relief as she realized she was safe and home. She turned her head and saw Auggie sitting at her kitchen table typing on a small, foldable keyboard with one ear bud in his ear. She stared at him for a moment and realized the sight of him alone kept her steady. She smiled as he seemed to become aware of her watching him. He turned toward her and raised one eyebrow.

"You fell asleep."

"Yeah."

He rose and carefully made his way back to the couch. "How are you?" He held out his hand and felt her grasp it.

"A little better. Sorry for falling apart like that." She sat up and put her feet on the floor.

"Don't apologize. I'm glad I could be here for you."

She turned to look at him and wondered why they'd ever let anything get in their way. She knew down to her core that she loved this man and wanted to be with him forever.

"Auggie?" She watched him frown.

"Yeah?" He reached up and brushed her hair away from her face.

"I love you."

"Walker." He answered simply as he smiled. "What brought that on?"

"Just 'cause." She knew her answer was simple and childish, but it was the truth. It was like declaring the sky is blue or grass is green.

Auggie extended his long legs and crossed his ankles. "I know."

Annie leaned against him and put her head on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat and let that rhythm steady her.

"You know Walker, tomorrow we're going to have to deal with this and talk to Joan, but for right now, I think we should just do nothing."

She exhaled slowly and decided Auggie's idea was perfect. Today they could stay still.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"What for?"

"You warned me….and you were right."

Auggie sat up and turned to her. "No, I was wrong."

"But…"

He interrupted her. "I was dealing with…stuff…and I took it out on you."

"Stuff?"

"You just can't let one go by, can you?" he smirked.

"Um, duh."

"You know Walker, it's not easy being in love with a field officer that risks her life on a daily basis. I mean, it's kind of stressful."

"In love?"

"Well duh."

xXx

Annie could hear the sounds of her heels clicking along the marble corridor. She turned the corner and saw the busy activity in the DPD. She took a deep breath and opened the glass door. She walked a few paces ahead and nodded to a tech that crossed her path. She wondered if he knew. She wondered if everybody knew.

"Annie." Joan spoke from her perch. She inclined her head toward her office. Annie obediently walked up the steps and into Joan's office.

"How was Blue Bonnet?"

"Good. Fine. I'm glad to be back."

"I'm glad you're back."

Annie was taken aback by Joan's words. "I'm sorry I let you down, Joan. I feel like you came to London to warn me…and I plowed ahead anyway. I should have…"

"Annie." Joan sighed and sat in her desk chair. "You took a risk. Operatives take risks. Sometimes they get hurt. I'm sorry you got hurt."

Annie looked up into the woman's eyes and saw compassion. "Thanks."

"The file on this mission has been classified and heavily redacted."

"Okay." Annie answered, feeling shame at the thought of her peers reading about her failure.

"Hey." Joan's sharp voice made her look up. "You didn't do anything wrong, Annie. Nothing."

"You sound like Auggie."

"How are you two doing?"

"Good. Better."

"You're just like him, you know."

Joan laughed at Annie's confused face. "He was….brilliant. I mean, he still is, of course, but in the field he really shone. He could turn a female asset with a few lines and a smile."

"Does he miss it?"

"Field work? I think if you do it long enough, you forget who you really are. I think Auggie was on the edge. The mission with Natasha proved that."

"He loved her."

Now Joan smiled. "No, he didn't. But he did care about her. He let his personal feelings alter his directive, and that's dangerous."

"What about now? Do you think he's okay?"

"I think you'd know that better than me."

Annie turned her head to look at the man they were talking about. He was laughing at something while simultaneously typing and listening to something through one headphone. "Yeah, he's okay."


End file.
